My dad passed away this morning
- Thread starter L.Leon
- Start date
I know ... I know … It hurts all the way to your heart. It's supposed to! I lost my dad 42 years ago, just about this time of year … Sept 28, 1977. Time has moved in and done it's magic to ease the pain … but still … there are times that I just wish I had a few more moments with him to tell him how much he meant to me, how my life was influenced by the things he taught me. My dad was strange, he wanted to build a garage for the cars but he didn't want to use any nails … we built the whole thing with dowel rods and a few braces … crazy … LOL … but we did it.
It's not so strange that you and he did not see things eye to eye all the time. Most of us are like that. We never had to deserve our mother's love, mothers give love simply because you are her son. But our father, we have to deserve his love. Being a father is a thankless position … the provider of all … the enemy of all … because he requires something. Raising kids to realize that there is no such thing as a free lunch while mom is throwing free lunches out to everybody is rough on a father. A mother's job is to raise children, a father's job is to build a man from that child … not just an adult, but someone of substance, reliability, integrity, grit and true love … whole in mind, body and spirit. If done right, small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.
I know there is no way to unbreak your heart and I wouldn't want to do that anyway because it is through grief that we heal and as the pain subsides I pray that your memory of him will be selective for all of us make many mistakes … and very often to the people we love the most. My dad was not perfect, far from it … I was not perfect, far from it … but if he had been perfect, I would never have known how to relate to him. He was who he was ... he was my dad with all his faults … and over time … those faults just made me love him more /// and some of those faults, as I have grown older, actually turned into virtues.
If your father was a good man, make something good come from his life that will live on in you and your children. The words that a father spoken to his son, in the privacy of home, are not heard by the world, but in "the whispering galleries" of the spirit … they are clearly heard ... at the end ... and by everyone.
His message to you might very well be this:
Death is no big thing. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the same easy way you used to. Put no difference in your tone of voice. Wear no forced air of solemnness or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name always be the old familiar household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without misgivings, without the trace or shadow of it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it always was. Continuity is not broken. Why should I be out of mind simply because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for a short time, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well!
The peace of God is a strange thing LLeon, the Word of God says that it surpasses all understanding, but just because we can't understand it does not mean we can't experience it and my prayer for you is simply that this remarkable peace of God would guard your heart and mind through Messiah Yeshua. I pray that He would strengthen you with power through His spirit all he way to your inner being so that Messiah would dwell in your heart through faith … that you may comprehend and grasp how wide and how long and how high and how deep the love of the Christ is for you. That you would know this love and ultimately be filled with the fullness of God, for He is able to all this and more, more than you can even imagine according to the power that works within us.
Shalom aleichem
Peace be upon you
John
It's not so strange that you and he did not see things eye to eye all the time. Most of us are like that. We never had to deserve our mother's love, mothers give love simply because you are her son. But our father, we have to deserve his love. Being a father is a thankless position … the provider of all … the enemy of all … because he requires something. Raising kids to realize that there is no such thing as a free lunch while mom is throwing free lunches out to everybody is rough on a father. A mother's job is to raise children, a father's job is to build a man from that child … not just an adult, but someone of substance, reliability, integrity, grit and true love … whole in mind, body and spirit. If done right, small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.
I know there is no way to unbreak your heart and I wouldn't want to do that anyway because it is through grief that we heal and as the pain subsides I pray that your memory of him will be selective for all of us make many mistakes … and very often to the people we love the most. My dad was not perfect, far from it … I was not perfect, far from it … but if he had been perfect, I would never have known how to relate to him. He was who he was ... he was my dad with all his faults … and over time … those faults just made me love him more /// and some of those faults, as I have grown older, actually turned into virtues.
If your father was a good man, make something good come from his life that will live on in you and your children. The words that a father spoken to his son, in the privacy of home, are not heard by the world, but in "the whispering galleries" of the spirit … they are clearly heard ... at the end ... and by everyone.
His message to you might very well be this:
Death is no big thing. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the same easy way you used to. Put no difference in your tone of voice. Wear no forced air of solemnness or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name always be the old familiar household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without misgivings, without the trace or shadow of it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it always was. Continuity is not broken. Why should I be out of mind simply because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for a short time, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well!
The peace of God is a strange thing LLeon, the Word of God says that it surpasses all understanding, but just because we can't understand it does not mean we can't experience it and my prayer for you is simply that this remarkable peace of God would guard your heart and mind through Messiah Yeshua. I pray that He would strengthen you with power through His spirit all he way to your inner being so that Messiah would dwell in your heart through faith … that you may comprehend and grasp how wide and how long and how high and how deep the love of the Christ is for you. That you would know this love and ultimately be filled with the fullness of God, for He is able to all this and more, more than you can even imagine according to the power that works within us.
Shalom aleichem
Peace be upon you
John
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I'm 72 years old I was 26 when my Dad died very suddenly from a heart attack. I still miss him. I'm extremely close to my daughter who is our only child.
I know this for sure. The last thing I would want for my daughter and my wife would be for them to greave for me. Mr L.Leon I'm sorry for your loss . I hope that you can find comfort in the good wishes of your forum friends and try to remember the good and happy times and know that your Dad would want the best for you and that he would no doubt (if he could ) rest his hands on your shoulder and say . "It's Ok".
I know this for sure. The last thing I would want for my daughter and my wife would be for them to greave for me. Mr L.Leon I'm sorry for your loss . I hope that you can find comfort in the good wishes of your forum friends and try to remember the good and happy times and know that your Dad would want the best for you and that he would no doubt (if he could ) rest his hands on your shoulder and say . "It's Ok".
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May God rest his soul
I’ve been in a similar situation not seeing eye to eye. Feeling that there were things I should’ve said but never got the chance to. If there’s anything you want to tell him, what worked for me was writing a letter to my loved one that passed. It might not sound like it works, but it does wonders for an easing the pain a bit
God bless you and your father
I’ve been in a similar situation not seeing eye to eye. Feeling that there were things I should’ve said but never got the chance to. If there’s anything you want to tell him, what worked for me was writing a letter to my loved one that passed. It might not sound like it works, but it does wonders for an easing the pain a bit
God bless you and your father
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Gentlemen thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses. It does help to ease the pain. I’m old enough to have lost a few loved ones but it never gets easier. The beauty of it all is that “life goes on”... thank you all for taking the time.
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So sorry for your loss !! Remember God sent his only begotten son who so ever believe it’s in him should not Parrish but have everlasting life so you will see him again if you I only believe That Jesus died and rose from the dead and sets at the right hand of the father
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i lost mine a little under 2 years ago at a fairly young age. feel free to PM me if you need to vent or anything
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