I'm frustrated with "My gun don't shoot." Threads -- Satire

Thanks oldspook, but I said YOU should channel that toward an FAQ....

OK, here's the first draft. You help fill it in, please. (others too!)

***************

New or Returning airgunner FAQ:

Q1) Hi, I'm new here and have bought an inexpensive (under $200) break-barrel air rifle that promises over 1400 fps. My last air rifle was a pump-up Crosman/Daisy from my youth. Why is this new one not nearly as accurate as I remember my 700 fps Crosman/Daisy, even though it cost lots more?

A1) Because you've bought a Chinese-made, light weight, magnum springer, and they are either difficult or impossible to shoot accurately, due in part to high-tolerance manufacturing, and in part to Hold Sensitivity.


Q2) Eh? What's this 'hold sensitivity' of which you speak?

A2) Hold Sensitivity refers to the fact that the gun shoots to a different point of impact (POI) depending on where and how tightly you hold onto the gun. You see, the gun and its parts are slamming around and in motion WHILE THE PELLET IS STILL IN THE BARREL. Springs are bouncing back and forth, untwisting and torquing the gun this way and that, and the direction and quantity of how they move depdends on how you hold the gun: How tightly to your shoulder, how tightly to your cheek, how tightly in your grip, how and where and how tightly you support the forearm.

Q3) ..... Oh. I have some more research to do. By the way, why is the gun so LOUD? It makes a muzzle crack that sounds as loud as my old .22 rimfire.

A3) It's either because your first shot(s) had detonation* or you're using pellets that are light enough that they go supersonic (just like a powderburner's bullets) and the crack you hear is the sonic boom.


Q4) ...but I wanted something QUIETER than my .22 rimfire rifle. My neighbors are going to call the cops on me!

A4) Settle down, mate. We can quiet it down for you, but there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that you may not be able to get the ammo you need a Walmart. The good news is that it is widely available. You just need heavier pellets, so that they're not going supersonic. We recommend breaking the gun in first with at least 200 rounds of cheap lead ammo (ex. Crosman Premier) then buy some quality ammo from a European make like H&N or JSB. For .177, 'heavy' means > 10 gr.


Q5) ...but I don't want to buy a whole tin of pellets just to try them. What if they don't shoot well from my gun?

A5) Settle down bro. Just buy a sampler pack of pellets. H&N and JSB make them, and some retailers (such as straightshooters.com) manually assemble them. After your gun is broken in with a couple hunnerd rounds, buy one of these, and using the Artillery Hold, shoot some 5-shot groups at at least 15 yards, to determine which pellet(s) your gun "likes." 


Q6) Well, that pellet sampler pack is $30 and $15 shipping....

A6) It's worth it, to know what your gun "likes" without having to buy an entire tin of each of them.


Q7) Great, thanks! (you're welcome) OK, now I have the pellets and have shot half of them, but they're STILL not as accurate as my old Crosman 2100 Classic / Daisy 880. Some are better than others, but they're still kind of loose groups. (nice clean holes though...)

A7) OK, go look up the Artillery Hold. It's a term that Tom Gaylord coined, meaning to hold the gun such that it can move in your grip. Like a recoilless artiller cannon moves. Hold it loosely in your grip, into your shoulder, but not firmly, and with a flat hand under the forestock. Let the gun move; this is the easiest way to standardize how the gun will move during the shot cycle, so that the push it applies to the pellet as it leaves the muzzle is as consistent as can be.


Q8) You guys are awesome. (we know :-D ) Now I'm getting really tight groups; 3/4" at 10 yards! I think I can drill that damned raccoon that's been knocking over my garbage cans every week.

A8) 'Glad we could be of assistance. Keep practicing, and let us know how it goes.


Q9) OK, so I've got my {insert $150 springer name} shooting real good. Like 3/4" at 20 yards. My hold is consistent, and that raccoon and her pups are no longer bothering us. ...but now I've got sparrows that need taking care of, and I can't quite hit them center-of-mass reliably at 20 yards. What can I do?

A9) OK, adult airguns are awesome, right? (Right!) Much more powerful than the multi-pump pneumatic from your youth, right? (Right again!) Well, just like anything else, there are different levels of quality, and the entry level is rarely representative of the best in breed. You're going to have to check with The Purchasing Department and dig deeply into the ol' wallet to get into the next class, if you want better accuracy?


Q10) {sigh} What'll this cost me?

A10) $300 - $500


Q11) Oh, she'll never go for.... I mean... I can't afford that!

A11) Sorry to hear it. Enjoy your air rifle, and try to bait the sparrows in closer or improve your stalking skills.


Q12) OK, she said.... I mean... I can afford it now. What do I get?

A12) Get a RWS/Diana/Beeman/Weihrauch Model yyyyy


Q13) Man, it just looks SO similar to the Benjamin zzzz. Are you sure it's worth it?

A13) Yes. Yes we are.


Q14) OK, I've bought it. Now, how do I survive the wait until I get it?

A14) Hard times, dog. Go butter up your wife, 'cuz yer gonna need to spend some more money on a quality scope and rings now.


Q15) Yikes, OK. It's my birthday, I think I can pull it off, only my #2 son will go to a community college for the first coupla years.

A15) That's the spirit! 


Q16) OK, I've got my good scope and rings now. I spent $150!

A16) Ooooh. Yeah, that's the thing. $150 isn't a good scope and rings. That's good rings and a dinner out.


Q17) Damn you guys! I'm about to get divorced over this! {sigh} OK, what should I spend.

A17) Divorced? We are ALL divorced. That's why we have awesome air guns. And scopes. And rings. :-D Kidding. Some of us are really charming sons of bitches and we managed to stay married. Spend $200-300 for the scope, and $20-50 for a good set of rings.


Q18, a month later) Wow you guys, I'm shooting the same groups now at 25 yards as I was shooting a month ago at 10 yards. 

A18) Yep. Pretty awesome, eh? What if we told you that your gun is capable of shooting groups HALF that size at 50% longer range?


Q19) (damn, and I thought I was finally good)

A19) You are. We all shoot from perfect bench rests before we post groups, with perfect artillery holds with high-end German or English guns with our guns' while you are foolishly shooting from realistic positions. (sucker)


Q20) Guys! You shoulda seen it. I plugged a squirrel at 30 yards with my new Beeman R9, Sportsmatch rings and Hawke Vantage scope that almost cost me my marriage. That pellet tore through him like I don't know what!

A20) Yep. It's awesome, right?


Q21) I've been putting the HURT on my local varmint population. But now that it's winter in northern Wisconsin, I'm finding that it shoots to a different POI, compared to where I zeroed it just a few short months ago, and I haven't bumped it or anything.

A21) Yeah, springers are delicate flowers, aren't they?


Q22) You mean there are other options for 'adult airguns?'

A22) Oh, you didn't notice the PCP sub-forum...


Q23) But... those guns are mostly $400+ and I gotta buy a tank or $200+ pump too!

A23) You gotta pay to play. Sorry.


Q24) Oh, look at this Benjamin Maximus! It's only $200! I will sell {something from a previous hobby} and then I can afford it.

A24) I don't know man. I'm not sure I'd go entry level here.


Q25) OK guys, I just bought a Marauder and moved my scope over. This is amazing! Now I'm able to consistently hit these little bastards at 30 yards, regardless of hold. .... but I'm really tired of pumping. What are the other options.

A25) What's the limit on your credit card?


Q26) What, what!? No, I can't do this. .... OK, how much is a tank? and where can I fill it?

A26) $xxx and at your local paintball store/fire station/scuba shop.

Q27) Man, but that's a lot of support gear. It was so simple with my springer.


A27) Yeah, that's how it goes. Gotta pick your poison. If you want match grade accuracy out of a springer, it is only at up to medium power level. If you want to go higher in power, you either lose accuracy (with springers) or spend a lot more. (for PCPs)


Q28) Dammit. Why did I even join this forum?!

A28) Because pellet guns are fun and you've got a varmint problem that needs solving. You KNOW it's fun to shoot them, and you have the perfect ex.... I mean RATIONALE for your wi.... PURCHASING DEPARTMENT to buy one.