Got a buddy with a REAL varmint problem, but he's a pacifist

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Smaug

Smaug

Member
Aug 5, 2016
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midwest, United States
My buddy just left work, and said: "I gotta go home and deal with some raccoons in the attic." My ears perked up; you can imagine I have a solution in mind.

This guy grew up on the south side of Chicago, where all the shootings are happening now. He learned how to avoid that, helped catch some guys robbing his dad's truck...

But he wants to trap and relocate them.

Me: "So they can go in someone ELSE'S attic?!" 
Him: "Hehehe"
Me: "OK then, let me know when they've caused enough monetary damage that you're willing to take The Final Solution. I'll do it, free of charge."

Now that he left, I wonder if he'll be out the next couple days getting stitched up.

How did the coons get in there? He's going to have to find it and shore it up. Did they crap and pee all over the insulation up there? He'll have to clean that up and re-fluff the insulation at that point.

My other colleague had chipmunks dig under a sidewalk slab, causing it to sink on one side. It'll probably crack next winter. His wife and kids like to trap them and release them in a parking lot near a forest preserve. Mighty nice of them. I'd probably just pour a gallon of turpentine down the hole and be done with it. Or snipe them when they show up under the feeder. This guy was raised on farms near Green Bay too. His dad used to shoot excess feral cats by the dozen, but he's fully urbanized now, it seems.

Mom can't have the wildflowers she wants, because the rabbits eat them. I told her keep the wildflowers and I'll get us hasenpfeffer dinner for free. No dice.

It's tough to be an airgunner sometimes.
 
They're nasty and I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them when they're released from a catch and return..er.. release program.. He might come around.

My house has granite steps and field stone walls (c1850), and chipmunks have wreaked havoc causing portions of the wall to collapse and need to be rebuilt. Grey squirrels have chewed into soffits and peak vents causing $1000's in damage to repair, repaint, reinforce/armor with sheetmetal & hardware cloth, and flying squirrels have nested in the attic. Not to mention paying $350 to a "Critter Control" service just to have one nesting grey female and her litter of pups caught and removed. In my state it's illegal to catch and relocate animals, even pest species. They need to be destroyed, so "have a heart" is really "have a dunk".

Pesting of these destructive critters is what actually got me back into airgunning. I can buy a lot of pellets for $350.
 
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The solution to us seems so simple at times. My wife used to be against me shooting any animals. That is until i caught a coon in a live trap one time and told her to come pet it. Needless to say after that experience for her she doesn't have any issues with me eliminating pest animals. I bet after that coon does a fair amount of damage up there he might be singing a different tune, that can get expensive fast and very dangerous if there chewing on wires.
 
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I have a good friend that was unable to shoot squirrels in his town. They were eating all the pecans on his trees AND chewing on his eaves. He used a hav-a-hart trap to remove them. He carried them to the hospital where he worked 10 miles away. He had one with a distinct bent tail that he relocated and was surprised to find another with the same ailment a few weeks later. With suspicion he began spray painting the tails of his relocated vermin bright orange prior to carrying them off. He began seeing returning squirrels in three weeks to a month!! Wow! I've heard of dogs finding their way home, but squirrels?! Amazing. I declared war when they chewed through a wiring harness on my daughters new car! They also worked on my hunting truck. Needless to say, I have seriously depleted their numbers. My mother has them all over her house and yard and is a bleeding heart like your friend, however, my dad alerts my brother and I when she is out of town, and we have stew. I did get permission from our local police department to carry out my onslaught(I'm sure that doesn't fly everywhere), but they probably didn't expect such efficiency. Hundreds of squirrels later I still love my accurate, quiet Wildcat .22.
 
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I stopped live trapping coons even though it's THE most effective way to cull them. Lessin you got a coon dog and don't mind trampin thru the woods in the dark and also taking the chance of losing your dog. I just have a hard time killin them in the trap. They put on that fake 'innocent' face and I just can't take it. We have so many coons around here I just gave up. Unless they come around the yard and then the dog gets them up a tree. What's worse is when he gets them on the ground and it becomes a face off. It's amazing how a 12 pound coon can become a snarling monster seemingly twice his size when a dog has him cornered. And getting them shot without shooting your own dog is a full on cluster ____.

A few years ago we had bad drought and I put up a turkey feeder and kept if full of grain. Big mistake. We had coons coming from across the county. So I got to killing them with a light on my 22 magnum. I lost count around forty or so in just a few weeks. We have lots of turkeys now though.
 
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"thwakkk"I have a racoon problem as well and after doing some basic research on the critters I found they often carry a parasite in their feces (poo) that can affect humans. If your neighbor would simply do a quick search for "racoon parasite feces" he may very well change his mind.

one article from Discover magazine:
Click to expand...
Toxocariasis is an infection transmitted from animals to humans (zoonosis) caused by the parasitic roundworms commonly found in the intestine of dogs (Toxocaracanis) and cats (T. cati).Jan 10, 2013

Sooo best be getting rid of our dogs too then... and our cats...

Truth is that these parasites have been around for a long time and lots of critters can pass them along to humans. It isn't just a problem with the little bandits.
 
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Update: I talked to that guy this morning. I asked him if he took care of the coon problem yet. He said no, he hasn't heard them. I told him: "You'd better not wait until they get comfortable and have pups up there, or they'll REALLY mess you up when you go after 'em.

Know what's REALLY ironic about it? The guy's dad owns a butcher shop, where he grew up doing lots of that kind of work. So it doesn't bother him to butcher the dead ones, but to kill a live one? 

There's nothing I can do except wait for the story to unfold and maybe get The Call one day. ;)
 
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When my dad passed, we had to do an inspection of the house to see what needed to be done to put it on the market. We discovered up in the attic that a family of raccoons had not only moved in, but had been there for some time. I think they were probably on several generations. We evicted them, but then the real problem came. 

The critter control (ironic title I think..) people got rid of the adults without considering the possibility that there were young living up there too. Turns out there were, but with mama now evicted they fell down into the walls and died…and decomposed...

Not pretty, and not small even though they were young.

Had to open the entire wall between the kitchen and the dining room, hang new sheetrock, fix headers, etc. 

Tell your friend he is sitting on a time bomb, and not a good one. ..
 
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