One Fat Bastard

[Zebra13]

Gents,

A couple of months ago, I had a gopher take up residence in my side yard and set about his destructive ways. I immediately declared Jihad and went after him with all manner of traps, smoke bombs, and whatever else I could think of. No dice. He literally destroyed the side lawn, turning it into a sinkhole due to his incessant tunneling. This gopher was handing me my ass. I felt like Carl from Caddyshack...

The other morn I walk out and who do I see poking his head out of a freshly dug burrow. I retrieved my ancient RWS-Diana 34 and equally ancient tin of Crow Magnums and set-up a hide behind my trash cans. It didn't take long. Crow Magnums are pure information to gophers.

Upon getting a good look at my now terminally impaired quarry, it became readily apparent why my yard was collapsing. Good night! I have never seen a gopher this big! His burrows had to be the size of the Holland Tunnel!

Any of you seen one this big?

Justin

 

[Jlowe]

Never that in TN. Impressive. 

 

[Soapthecommy]

The moment you said jihad I knew that gopher went too far.

 

[S97]

Do you by chance live near a fire swamp?

 

[nervoustrig]

How many friends does he have?

 

[JKaplanwit]

The tail was throwing me off. I believe what you found is a Coypu. Thought it might help with any future hunting missions. 

https://www.tn.gov/twra/wildlife/mammals/medium/coypu-nutria.html



Nice kill!

 

[harrymoreland]

"declared jihad", you mean you tried to covert it to Islam.

 

[Ranchibi]

Freaking daisy cutters that is the gopherzilla of gophers! You definitely need a .30 cal PCP in your capable hands with rodents that size invading your property! LOL! Great shot

 

[mike3dr]

When you said Fat BASTARD I thought you were talking about me. 

 

[Zebra13]

S97: Fire swamp...LMAO! What a great reference!

harrymoreland: If that fat toad converted to Islam prior to ceasing to be, I feel sorry for the 72 virgin gophers who were waiting for him upon his demise, as they are all going to get squished by his fat ass!

I'm on a roll. Got this one this morning tearing up the vineyard. A 22 caliber Hades at 610 fps flicked his switch. He looks like a dwarf compared to The Corpulent One...

Justin

 

[Blackpaw]

Looks like that gopher might be a descendent of the genetically modified weaponized gophers, I heard rumors about, used by the US Army during the Cold War. The gophers were designed to dig into harden nuclear bunkers and cause them to collapse from within by “natural” causes. The rumor is after the fall of the USSR the US didn’t have a need for the gophers anymore and thus, freed them for their service to the USA.

 

[Odoyle]

https://www-instructables-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.instructables.com/How-to-Skin-and-Cook-Gopher/?amp_js_v=a6&amp_gsa=1&amp_page=true&usqp=mq331AQFKAGwASA%3D#aoh=16106702278293&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instructables.com%2FHow-to-Skin-and-Cook-Gopher%2F

 

[Arrowhead1951]

Zebra13

I got this Fat Head gopher on December 28. It had been ravaging my yard for a week. I finally saw it poke up from its hole with its back to me, perfect...Grabbed the Beeman QB78 equipped with a red dot site and delivered a late xmas present right between the shoulder blades. The special delivery JSB .177, 7.87 gr. was delivered without any delay from my side porch, 25 feet away. The QB78 and red dot works perfect for close up pesting, no problems with focusing a scope, light weight and fit the dovetail rails.

Not sure if Fat Head had a bad tooth abscess or what, but it sure has a cheek full of something. The pellet was a pass thru, in the back out the chest. I left it out for a fox that has been eating my rat kills.

Good luck with your gopher eradication program!!!

Arrowhead1951

 

[qball]

Freaking hilarious write up and OMG fat bastard gopher. Didn't know they can get that big!!!!!

 

[lbc_PSI]

Not nearly as fun or satisfying as the "lead solution", but these are the best trap I've ever found. One night and done..sometimes only a couple of hours...

 

[Dragonfist1]

Wow... that's a meal an 1/2 I have a fatty garbage disposal I don't shoot this one he cleans everything. As you can see he eats well. Rats, squirrel's, Oppossum 

 

[LostinTejas]

They are a bit smaller and darker in my yard. Mostly black. Not sure why, but everyone says they don't eat grubs and such. Funny, when I spray for the grubs, they seem to stay away until the grubs begin to return.

Anyhoo, the things are a nuisance and I have had good luck with the Giant Destroyers. When they are gone, they are gone, so kids and pets aren't in danger. When burning, they smell bad enough that any dog with good since would leave it alone. Kids, not so much. They like the smoke from every little vent.

 

[Zebra13]

Not nearly as fun or satisfying as the "lead solution", but these are the best trap I've ever found. One night and done..sometimes only a couple of hours...

I have 4 or 5 of those things and have killed exactly one gopher with them at our new pad in the country. When we were in town, I killed the ever-loving snot out of them with the Gopher Hawks. 

I suspect the difference in the kill ratio is the size of the corn-fed country gophers and the resulting ginormous tunnels they make. They're probably just walking right around the traps when set in the tunnels. Or, in the case of that gelatenous blob of goo Fat Bastard, maybe he just couldn't fit in the snare! The little, snowflake city gophers tunnels were much smaller and the Gopher Hawks routinely cancelled gopher Christmases...

Justin