New guy looking for a rifle. Suffering from analysis paralysis.

Maybe the answer is to sell the place and move? I don’t know but with the amount of time and thought invested and with no apparent solution who knows. I think most people would drag out the ole daisy BB gun and have been done with it. Me? I’d go deep . Night vision scope. Gilly suit have one of my buddies spot and try to shoot them so they fall in the neighbors yard so you don’t even have to deal with the bodies. If questioned I’d declare no knowledge of anything related to squirrel 
 
My Akela with an added DonnyFL Tanto is MUCH quieter than my Beeman R9, or any break barrel springer I have ever shot.



Also, squirrels eating through facia and getting into and nesting between roof and 2nd floor ceiling is the very thing that sparked my re-introduction into pellet gun shooting. My old springer was ok, but the Akela is amazing. No more squirrel problems.
 
To everyone who mentioned the P-rod, I hadn't even considered a pistol/carbine. It does check off every one of my check boxes and saves me money over the Akela. Here's where the analysis paralysis comes in. If I turned the muzzle velocity down on the Akela to match that of a P-rod, would it be quieter since it has more shroud?

This is a good question and one I don't have an answer to. I can tell you that my P-rod with no tuning and no moderator will make more sound on impact than muzzle report. To be clear, that's with my son shooting it from inside of the house and me standing outside but within 10' of the window. This is something I had read time and time again but had to hear for myself to realize how significant a damper a house is when shooting from inside of it.

I prefer shooting as quiet as possible, even if I'm out in the middle of the woods. But there is a point of diminishing returns when it comes to reducing muzzle report if you're hitting your target anyways.
 
Super short version:
I need to upgrade my anti-squirrel device - Benjamin 397, because it is just too loud. I'm considering the Benjamin Akela with an STO moderator. Thoughts?

Super long version:
My 397 is dependable, but it is ridiculously loud for my needs. Currently, I have to brace my rifle against the fridge, fire across the kitchen and out the window to keep the noise inside my house. Before I can do that, I have to look out of various windows to see if any neighbors are outside. Then, if I'm waiting on a shot for too long, I have to go check on neighbors again. Needless to say, I miss my opportunity to fire way too many times.

After reading numerous posts and seeing there's no real consensus on which guns are quietest, I have come to two conclusions;
- a PCP is quieter than a springer
- noise increases as air/propellant increases.

My requirements:

1. Ultra quiet.
I live in a neighborhood with small yards and a lot of retired neighbors outside all the time, including one across the cul-de-sac who feeds squirrels. Most of us have chain-link fences (or no fence at all) so there's no privacy fences to block noise. If they hear a noise, they can easily see in to my yard where I am shooting (this leads to req 2 and 3). If my neighbor sees me killing one of his "babies" I'll get the police called. Without exaggeration, I can hear my neighbor's kid shooting a Nerf gun when my windows are open, so even that is a little on the loud side. Even if I don't see anyone outside, they're old and like it warm, so they have their windows open in the summer a lot.

2. Small (bull pup only)
I need it short. I can't have a gun barrel sticking out of my window. If I am outside and can take a shot, I need it to look as inconspicuous as a rifle can.

3. Kill squirrels DRT, from 5-20 yds. Most between 5-10 yds.
If a squirrel runs in to anyone else's yard and they suspect it was shot, they will let my neighbor who feeds them know, and he will call the police.

4. Needs to be ready to kill something seconds after picking it up and will only be fired dozens of times per year. I have fleeting moments to kill squirrels in my back yard as they pass through. A PCP that can't hold air for months is out. 

5. Air only, no CO2. Personal preference.

Legal considerations:
According to my local PD and Animal Control, it's legal to kill squirrels with traps and pellet guns so long as the pellet stays within my property. However, a neighbor could still call the police for suspicious person with a gun, animal cruelty, improper disposal of an animal, etc. The police can come hassle me, give tickets, or even worse...and who wants that?

My thoughts:
A Weihrauch hw97k would be great for me, but it fails to meet req 1 & 2.
I'm considering getting a Benjamin Akela in .17. It uses less air than .22 and should thus be quieter while still providing plenty of killing power. I could even put a lighter weight hammer spring in to decrease mechanical noise and allow me to turn down the air/power. Hopefully that, with an STO moderator, makes it about as quiet as it gets. I've read about installing a regulator and an SSG to increase accuracy and reduce air usage, but I would likely buy an FX Wildcat before doing all of that.
As for a scope, I have no idea what to look for that will focus to 5 yds and provide 30+ MOA hold over for those close shots. I thought about using a laser for the close shots and the scope for the 10+yd shots. Does anyone do that? Is that a thing?

I have an Akela and love it. Mine is in .22 and a little louder than a stock Marauder (another great choice, but not a bullpup) at full power, but turned down its very quite. I think your choice of the Akela in .177 would fit your needs perfectly. I trimmed my striker string to flatten the curve and get an incredible number of shots … over 75 at about 23fpe, prolly 150 doable at 10fpe in .177 is my guess.

My one is VERY accurate, and consistent, delivering most shots on a dime sized mark aimpoint at 50yds. 

LD
 
Would suggest either a blow-gun - once you get proficient with it, you can knock out fist size targets at 10-15 yards easily. No sound, and easy to use.

Or, if you have the budget, get a Weihrauch HW44 in 177. Good, very accurate, silent air pistol, without the 'bang'.

You can also get the non FAC version which will give you a larger shot count, and be very silent.

The Benjamin Marauder air pistol or the Diana Bandit are cheaper air pistol options.
 
FX Maverick Compact in 177 or 22 will do the trick. Silent but deadly. With my 22 and 30 cal I can drive tacs all day long at 50 yards and beyond. My back yard is 90 feet by 40 feet and the neighbors dont hear a thing. As far as nuisance animal, if they are on your property you can consider them nuisance pest even if they're stealing food from your birdfeeeder not to mention digging holes in your yard, tearing up outdoor furniture, tearing into your attic and killing indigenous birds. As cute as these critters maybe, they are nothing more than a rat with a fuzzy tail and what makes them such a problem are the idiots feeding them causing an artificial population bubble in the area. So shoot away! A note here, my back yard is totally fenced in the nosey neighbors can't see me in there eradicating a back yard pest anyway. If you own your place, fence in your back yard and establish your control over your privacy.



Back to the Maverick, small compact and quiet. Meets your requirement's to the tee. Also it is highly customizable, and tunable. With the Maverick, you can swap calipers and barrels in minutes for whatever your shooting needs.