Caddyshack Part Deux......Simply hilarious must read!

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Bobbed06

Bobbed06

Member
Jun 14, 2016
349
5
OK, So I have been devarmintizing our property for the last 6 weeks or so. The cats are doing a great job at hunting the ground moles, and I have been taking care of the squirrels. Well, we have 2 ground hawgs on the property which have been sly to say the least. These are a magical on the level of Criss Angel when it comes to vanishing.....

Well today, one of them gets within range of my window. All is safe for the shot but the screen is down, and hasnt been opened much in the last 10 years. needless to say it was noisy and every time it creaked he stopped, stood up and looked around. I was unable to get that screen up. So I went to my front porch and hoped he would poke his head around the corner of the house. Well, he did but evidently he spotted me peeking out my rifle from around the pillar of my porch. So he went back to the original spot and I knew I couldnt get the screen up so I went and put my rifle away. Then I went to go get my pellets that I had left on the porch. Damn if he wasnt standing up on MY PORCH looking at me in the EXACT spot I had been standing when he spotted me not 2 minutes earlier.

So I go around the house, and try and sneak up on him. Gone, no signs, nothing. You just cant make this stuff up..........At this point I know he is onto me. I could really use some suggestions on how to bait him into a proper spot so I can take this destructive varmint out cleanly. Yea Yea Yea go ahead and laugh at me.........I know its funny and i couldnt resist posting up!
 
"colbhasa"they are fond of apple wedges. Make a bait station at a convenient location. and get that screen opened when they are not around.
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OK, will do. Not 15 mins after this entire even went down he was back out in the neighbors yard within view of that window. I had went to that window to try and clean out the screen tracks and lube them to ease opening of it later. He ran back to their porch and watched me as I fiddled with the screen. I will have to move the exhaust fan from that window so i can leave the screen up and keep the window closed cuz its quieter to open than the screen.

Before I started messing with the screen I kinda tested his hearing. I lightly tapped the screen frame with my finger, and sure enough he heard that and made a run for safety. This amazes me as I barely made a noise and he was a good 30 yards from me.
 
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"wll2506"Well I have a different take on this guy, being he is so smart, maybe you should make him into some kind of outdoor pet, if he is not causing real damage what the heck, he can be a conversational pest ;- )

If he is tunneling under buildings and such, that is a different matter !

wll2506
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They are tearing up my yard in a bad way. The thought of keeping him crossed my mind, but was quickly over run with the task at hand.............
 
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"Bobbed06"Evidently the fermented sour apples were enough to get him loaded. His monstrous self was staggering around and falling down drunk today in the yard.........Didnt even see it coming.......
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Did you kill a drunk groundhog!? 
All that poor fellow wanted was some damn piece and quiet. I'm assuming Mrs. Groundhog was nagging the poop out of him so he went out side where your banging on the damn screen door. So he respectively approaches your house, on the very front porch where you were, to kindly ask you to keep it down. You got frightned and ran inside to grab a gun! Not getting the quiet he was looking for and with a few close brushes with death, Mr.Chuck or Woodie as he prefered just said "f it" and got smashed to drowned out his poor life choices for example being a groundhog and dropping out of school. Stumbling home from the bar knowing he had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to support his wife and kids he was suddenly ambushed by you and shot dead.... Poor Woodie.
 
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"X27"
"Bobbed06"Evidently the fermented sour apples were enough to get him loaded. His monstrous self was staggering around and falling down drunk today in the yard.........Didnt even see it coming.......
Click to expand...
Did you kill a drunk groundhog!? 
All that poor fellow wanted was some damn piece and quiet. I'm assuming Mrs. Groundhog was nagging the poop out of him so he went out side where your banging on the damn screen door. So he respectively approaches your house, on the very front porch where you were, to kindly ask you to keep it down. You got frightned and ran inside to grab a gun! Not getting the quiet he was looking for and with a few close brushes with death, Mr.Chuck or Woodie as he prefered just said "f it" and got smashed to drowned out his poor life choices for example being a groundhog and dropping out of school. Stumbling home from the bar knowing he had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to support his wife and kids he was suddenly ambushed by you and shot dead.... Poor Woodie.
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Every town has an area that nobody should stagger thru even on their worst nights.........Woodie found that pub nestled in the bad side of town, twas Woodies last hurrah.
 
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"X27"
"Bobbed06"Evidently the fermented sour apples were enough to get him loaded. His monstrous self was staggering around and falling down drunk today in the yard.........Didnt even see it coming.......
Click to expand...
Did you kill a drunk groundhog!? 
All that poor fellow wanted was some damn piece and quiet. I'm assuming Mrs. Groundhog was nagging the poop out of him so he went out side where your banging on the damn screen door. So he respectively approaches your house, on the very front porch where you were, to kindly ask you to keep it down. You got frightned and ran inside to grab a gun! Not getting the quiet he was looking for and with a few close brushes with death, Mr.Chuck or Woodie as he prefered just said "f it" and got smashed to drowned out his poor life choices for example being a groundhog and dropping out of school. Stumbling home from the bar knowing he had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to support his wife and kids he was suddenly ambushed by you and shot dead.... Poor Woodie.
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As I'm getting a divorce from someone of similar temprement to Mrs Groundhog, if the events truely transpired as you describe them, to me, this was a mercy killing.
 
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